I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
love makes seman taste better
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
