The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
