Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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