For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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