I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
