oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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