Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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