I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
