I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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