you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
