Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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