I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
