how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
