Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
