Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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