but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
