and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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