There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize