Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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