the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just gargled with NyQuil
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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