a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
