God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
