my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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