I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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