I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
