why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
