Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
