who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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