I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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