their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize