i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
