i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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