She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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