You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
