you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
