I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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