i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
