Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
