halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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