escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
