Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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