So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
