dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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