I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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