He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
