How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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