Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
