I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
