do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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