I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
