he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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