she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
