Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
