I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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