Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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