i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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