Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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