i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
