I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
