I want to have your abortion
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
