HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
