I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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