Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
