Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
