I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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