I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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