Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
