what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize