I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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