You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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