It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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