Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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