do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
