She is in my trunk
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
